向左走，向右走，我在徘徊中寻找我的出口。
在这十字路的交叉口，我想问他们我该怎么走。
可他们都叫我一往无前，别在回首。
左，右都不是我的路吗？
我只能选择一条，尽管这地球是圆的，尽头却没完没了。
我想我该早做抉择，越早越好。
醉醒之后，却忘了这件事——我的出口
事隔许久许久，我因为一个朋友做了停留，我只知道那段时光很美好很快乐，当有一天他们问我“你决定往哪儿走了吗？”
我一时无语，看看我身边的朋友，才恍然想起我的任务
我的起跑点还在几步之遥，而我却忘了自己一直没有迈出第一步
我摇头，迟了，是迟了吗？
最近，常失眠。不知是否真的应该一往无前，绝不回首。。。
我想有个家
一个不需要华丽的地方
在我疲倦的时候
我会想到它
我想有个家
一个不需要多大的地方
在我受惊吓的时候
我才不会害怕
谁不会想要家
可是就有人没有它
脸上流著眼泪
只能自己轻轻擦
我好羡慕他
受伤后可以回家
而我只能孤单的
孤单的寻找我的家
虽然我不曾有温暖的家
但是我一样渐渐的长大
只要心中充满爱
就会被关怀
无法理怨谁
一切只能靠自己
虽然你有家什么也不缺
为何看不见你露出笑脸
永远都说没有爱
整天不回家
相同的年纪
不同的心灵
让我拥有一个家
I knew it, things is always not smooth for me, or should say has never been smooth.....deal is never a deal without B&W and I always knew that. Though that I've already forsee for the worst but still feel the pain for it....well....i'm still at the same point....not moving any forward...... hopefully this really brings me a bit of luck.....that's the only bit that I'm lack of.....
a lucky gift from my best friend, mei.....
this shoot had really let me realize that i'm getting old. After being awake for 26 hours, I am extremely exhausted. Though I'm in the middle of a 2.5 million bungalow shooting for this food commercial, I can't enjoy it. Furthermore, it's on Valentines day. Though, there's no other half for me, but i pity those crews with gf/bf or wife who had to go thru Valentines day without their other half, furthermore a 26 hours working non-stop. The food shots took up a lot of time to get the right position for the powder to pour out. And I was even forced to be the hand talent - of course without paid. *sigh*
Congrats myself! I finally land myself on a so-called permanent job after all these years.....got the offer 2 days before CNY and it's indeed an unexpected offer. Will only be the one in the office (which is at home..hehe) and without boss and subordinate.....hopefully things goes well and keep my finger cross....
Powered by Bleezer
Sponsored a kid from Mongolia thru World Vision A 5 yrs old boy named Bukunai, Erbol from Nalaikh, Mongolia. Just RM 50 per month and it's hopefully to make his life better. Really hope that i'm able to visit him one day.....
Have a long chat with one of the producers about her childhood memories. It's terrific that she can even remember things that happened since she start crawling....Listening to her stories on her childhood with nannies (ma cheh), to how she's being bullied by boys, how's she had to learn doing housework due to older generation thinking of girls have to do all these stuff etc. On my way driving home, I kept thinking it's actually so fun to have that kind of memories to cherish, even though there's ups and down. As compare to her, my memories only start during my school time in primary school. Anything beyond that, I totally cannot recall. Even the memories during school times is merely only with my school mates, about how hard we need to study until 5 pm everyday and nothing as interesting as what she have with that kind of rural experience and fun. Hence, I always tell my frens that I do not have much sweet childhood memories to nibbles. I wish that my next generation will be able to have the chance to really enjoy the process of their childhood and leave some foot prints in their heart. How I wish I have a time machine to back track my life and change everything......
just finish a shoot for CNY with bunch of kids around.....it's so tiring to work with kids listening to their 'noise' the whole day and yet you can't shout at them coz they are your talents. What if they won't act after you do that, and you will be blame for the rest of the day becoz of your stupid act to make the production a failure. Two days of shoot are all outdoor and I got over burnt as a result of not applying sun block.....hehee.......well...at least i got a 1k increment this time.
A very appropriate photo to illustrate the idea "Don't be upset over gloomy days, seek higher and further and you'll find the sun"
New Year 2007! Everything should be new, hope and resolutions should be in everyone, but why? It's not with me at all. Had been feeling very down yesterday night after digging out my old old dear diary from the book shelves and run through all the diaries that I had written all these years. Lokking from when I started going out with a guy during Uni days, when i am having down days with him, when I got my first job, and when i having trouble with my families and the diaries stop during 2003. Since then, havent been putting a word in there but just keep all the low time to myself. Looking back, I did not move forward much, goal is still so vague and i m still not happy or never been happy all these years....I have no idea what will make me happy and even tried to think deeply how should I make myself happy, but I never been able to find a solution till now. Maybe I am like what all said,
bu gan ji mo'. When there's no one at my side accompanying me, I'm lost or rather starting to feel down by thinking all the unhappy past. I think I should start telling myself to be more independent, to stand on my own whatever it is.
Happy New Year!! It's another year older for me without any resolutions ......think my resolutions is to find a resolutions for the year.....HAHA.....
Had been down to S'pore for a week. Coming down for an interview at the beginning of the week and free for the whole week. I treat this as an escape out of home. There's good and bad staying with family. Good thing is you can save a lot....and bad thing is you lose the freedom and space for yourself. Had always wanted to get a work out of KL so that I have the reason to stay outside. You may say that I am not filial but I felt that it's a better way for me and my parents. At least in this way we won't quarrel on things that we don't agree mutually.
2007 is coming around and am getting older. Hopefully the coming year will be better for me (though this year is not that good) and for all too....
It had been a long time since i had 24 hours non stop shooting. And this Softlan shoot is tiring and made me realize that i'm getting old.....crew call starts at 5.30am and shoots end at 5 am the next day.....after this....singapore here i come!
I m not sure whether to say i m lucky or not? every time when i wish for something it won't happen. But after that things realized, but always come at not the right timing......this month i should be having two jobs, one of it was the postponed job from last month. Unfortunately i was unable to take up the job, as i have a few interviews due to attend. I was thinking am I right to give up money for the interviews which still yet to know whether I can get a permanent job a not.....**sigh**
...overcooked lamb chop.....
My Chinese Birthday Meal at Italiannes ..... (coincidently this year it's just one day apart) . Had a glass of red wine, spaghetti with mussels. Yummy.....
bread with olive oil and vinegar - a very special starter
2nd TVC job. Prep in only 6 days, with 42 talents (dancers) .......luckily is not that hard as TV3's. Have been hearing the song on and on the whole day shoot......and sweeping confetti all day long......and past 12 midnight is my birthday....have to spend half my birthday on bed sleeping after a loong day shoot.....*sigh*
Done this job in 10 days time,rushing jobs with lots of details.....hooo.....and i survived!!!
see we play with 'kerbau' (water buffalo) and imagine it's only used for 2 secs in the commercial, what a waste. And we have 'ayam serama' (a kind of chicken that they rear it as pet, it's petite & corky). Forgot to snap a picture of the BMW and our hero house also......
my first producing job ended yesterday. accidentaly deleted the panaromic view of the 'huge' scene, got only this satellite van, which cost over millions dollar and is the one and only one they have. (sounds like a TV commercial) hehehee....
Do you like to travel? What's ur purpose of travelling? For de-stressing on all the hardship at work? for knowing other countries culture? or just merely for a walk outside the house?
For me travelling is the time for me to talk to my inner self. I love to travel to others countries to see how other people live in the life, how ppl cope with their daily life. Especially love to have a map to strolling by myself looking at the shops, looking at the people and at the same time asking myself what i really want. This is the only time that I can have myself to my own, where I can think......how I wish I have a job just to travel.....that will be extreme wonderful......
After all these years, I just realize that I'm a body without soul. I lost my dream, my dreams full of stories are all gone. Have been believing that I need to gain more technical hands on experience on the industry and hence after I grad, I have been pushing myself to grab every chance of production knowledge whenever I can. Yes, I did manage to know how to handle a production but at the same time, I had totally ignore the story telling ability of myself which I had been putting aside for the 5 years. Hopefully it's still not too late for me to start rolling the stone again in polishing my story telling skill now......keep my finger cross....
